Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Don't Faint Away From Shock Because I've Posted!! LOL

This is a pic of the ladies I sat with at my Women's Retreat this past weekend!! What a group of ladies!! :) There was a lot of experience sittin' at that table!! LOL They were a hoot, and they were just exactly what I needed!!

The whole weekend was about a "faithlift." It was really great!! There was a lot of breakthroughs, and a lot of bonding...something that the ladies at my church have just been SO honken' hungery for!! It was just an awesome experience all the way around...

Let me start with the first exercise. Our speaker (a guest speaker, not someone from our church) really just shared bits of her life...She started out talking about her growing up years, and then had us write in our booklets a life continuum (basically a line, and then you "decorate" it with all the ups & downs of your life, spiritually, emotionally, etc...) Then we were supposed to share with the other ladies at our table (the guest speaker is the one who assigned us our tables...she said she prayed over each name place card, and just set them around the room). Anyways, after we kinda wrote things down, we were to share our life continuums with the group...I really learned a lot about these ladies, and I have to say, before this past weekend, every one of them at our table were just "Hi, how are you, Have a great week" ladies at church, and now they are so much more to me...

One of the sessions was about choices, past, present & future...When she first started talking about it, immediately going back to school came to my mind...I've been struggling with the specifics of this...I've shared here, even, that I know I'm supposed to go back, I just never really knew when...this has really been a struggle for me!! I've felt like I've been tugged in 2 different directions. There's this part of me that feels really confident in my choice to stay home with Princess & whatever other children we're blessed with in the future, and to be a stay at home mommy. I've always felt that calling on my life, not just a "want." But then there was all that stuff with going back to school, and I just got really confused, because I still feel the call to stay home with Princess, too!! Do you understand where I'm coming from? Both of these callings are real, and I've just struggled with the technicalities, I guess you could call them...Anyways, it boils down to 1. Money. Money for school, money for gas & childcare, money for our family...2. I don't want to "gyp" Princess out of anything that my calling of staying home with her would bring. I just didn't see how the 2 would mix...

Then, I stopped talking, and the lady sitting directly across from me gave me this analogy/metaphor/whatever you wanna call it. She said what she immediately started thinking about when I started talking was when a farmer has a seed, and he plants it in the ground. He has to know when to water, when to fertilize, let the sun do it's thing...it doesn't immediately happen, but when the time's right, he knows it. When she said that, it was like a light bulb went off in my head!! Then, another lady (the one to the right of me, and in the picture), said, "You will never regret your decision to stay home to raise your babies." Let me tell you what a confirmation & peace that passes understanding came over me...I'm right on the path He wants me to be...the schooling will happen, but in His timing, and not compromising my current call to stay home with Princess. And, I've come to understand, it is a calling for me...He's got me home with her for a reason. Yes, being a teacher is a calling for me, too, but it's not time for that one to come to pass, yet...it's all about waiting on His timing...and we'll know when that is :)

"The labyrinth is not a maze.
Unlike a maze that is designed to confuse you
and is full of dead ends and obstacles to overcome,
a labyrinth is designed for you to find your way
with no wrong turns or dead ends."
Now, let me share with you my labryinth experience...At Maria Stein Spiritual Center, it's not as big as some labryinths are, or even as complicated as some. It's just a very narrow gravel path someone made in the front lawn...and in the center is a little bench. First of all, all of the front lawn is really striking. There's a small bridge that goes over a deep little mote, and on the "island" there's a bunch of rocks holding up a big wooden cross. There's a crane that lives there in the mote, and he's really something :) There are small benches & even a very nice little swing that overlooks the cross & "mote." Things from the weekend were winding down, and there were lots of people packing up stuff from the retreat, and all weekend I'd been trying to make my way to the labryinth, but had been sidetracked for some reason or other. Well, it was now or never, so I "asked permission" and just went off by myself. I met up with a couple of other ladies there, and had a great little talk with one while the other walked the labryinth herself. When she was done she came back over, and she was saying how it was really neat, and how at some moments, just looking down following the path, it could get confusing, and we started saying how much like life that really can be, sometimes. So, I started walking over to the labryinth, and one of the carpooling minivans pulled up & hollered out the window, "Your group is looking for you!!" and were all giggles, it wasn't harping or complaining at all, just in fun...but, since it was at the very end, I hollered back, "Well, I guess it was just the way to the labryinth that I was supposed to have this time." Then, someone in the van calls out, "GO!! Walk the labryinth!! It won't take but a few minutes!!" We all laughed & I said, "Thank you!!" So, I started quickly over to the little gravel path. I started praying that the Lord would speak to me whatever He willed....I was listening....I can't really put into words what happened next, but I'll try :) LOL My life continuum from the day before came to my mind, my heart, and I just felt this overwhelming wave of love wash over me. I'm not trying to be overdramatic, this is just the closest I can say to sharing it with you...I started crying. There was a little bit of a small wind blowing, and there was the cross in the distance. With each twist & turn of the labryinth one of those milestones on my life continuum sheet came to mind, and I understood. He didn't just start adoring me lately...He's ALWAYS adored me. He's always loved me, and loved me beyond anything I can comprehend here on earth. Sunday, all I could say was, "I saw Him." I saw Him in all the good times, I saw Him in all the bad, ugly times. When I reached the center of the labryinth, it was like I had finally reached Him!! He absolutely used the labryinth as a metaphor for when I finally meet him...it was like He was sitting there on that bench just waiting for me to come & sit next to Him so He could put his arms around me...what an awesome moment...and for those that know me really well, I was bawling the big fat tears...I went into the ugly cry!! LOL :) I just can't explain how much joy & love I felt...and to think, now, even, as I've had time to contemplate all this a little more, how that isn't even the full extent of what it will be when the time really does come to meet Him face to face...it's staggering in it's awesomeness!! :)
So, I wiped my face with the back of my hands, stood, and took a deep breath, and walked back out of the labryinth, and with every step, a new kind of confidence & peace settling over me...it was awesome...
So, that's what I did over the weekend :) LOL I know it's been a while since I've posted...I don't really have any excuses...I've just been reading A LOT...it all started a few weeks ago when I watched "Pride & Prejudice" (HIGHLY RECOMMENDED), the new one, and it got me to thinking about "Mr. Darcy's" first name, because I was sure that it was in there somewhere, but they never seemed to mention it in the movie...and so I had to start reading it again, of course :) And, I was right, she does mention his name...once, in a letter he wrote to Elizabeth "Lizzie" Bennett...See, I was really just putting off revealing to you all what a big honken nerd I really am...although, brain twin might have just read this book, or seen an older movie, or both, like me :) LOL
So, reading that just made me hungrier for reading more...and more and more and more....then it got me thinking about writing something of my own...that's always been a dream of mine...
Anyways, I'd better go...I think King wants to get to bed pretty soon...and I'm starting to feel tired...
I promise to not stay away for so long, again!! :) It hasn't been intentional, and I have been thinking about you all very much!! :)
Okay, serioulsy...


SunnySusan said...


So that's what you have been up to.
Sounds like a great weekend

Kelley said...

It sounds like God has shown you an awesome place!!! I am jealous and happy at the same time. You were looking for Him and you found Him.......He's always been there, but you pushed the shadows away and found Him face to face! Thank you so much for sharing that with your journal pals! What a wonderful way to tell people about your experience with God!

I have missed your journaling. Sometimes we all need the get-away! Praying for you!

Lots of Love!

Missy said...

WOW! What an awesome experience! God always meets us where we are...we just have to be looking for Him. Thanks for sharing....and you did a great job writing it! I can't wait to read your book!!!! :)

We have missed you a lot around here...but I can really relate to the reading. I have been in a reading mood lately too and haven't been knitting or doing much of anything because I want to read all the time! Hubby gets annoyed with that. Oh well!

I want to find out where you guys went on your retreat! That sounds like a neat place!!!! And those "get-away" retreats really do great things for your church. If the women of the church are close....it helps everything, it seems.

Love ya and glad to "see ya"!

Sara said...

Wow! I'm with Kelley. I'm jealous and happy for you all at the same time. What a beautiful experience you had! It sounds like it was extremely beneficial for you! Yeah God! :)

Not that I'm "dissing" the ladies you sat with or anything, but how about a picture of the baby?????

Glad you're back and love ya!