Thursday, September 28, 2006

Yes, it's been awhile...and, yes, I've been very busy...I haven't been online in weeks!! I feel so disconnected. I feel kinda weird.

So, this is what I've been thinking about the last few days. Busy-ness. And, why I feel like I need to be busy. I'm afraid I've got so much going on that I'm setting myself up for failure & burnout, but I have this need to be busy right now. I think it's a SAHM thing. I really feel sometimes that I don't do anything "worthwhile" with my days. So, hey, we need a Sunday school teacher at church...I can do that, right? So, I teach Sunday School. Well, that's great, but it's only one day, one class, not very many kiddos. Well, I stay at home with Princess, shouldn't I be able to do more?!?! So, hey, there's no women's ministry at church right now (I know, wierd, right?) Well, I'd love for there to be a women's ministry!! Why don't I get that started?!?! I don't do anything but stay home with Princess, right? Well, there's a few other ladies that are going to help with Ladie's Ministry, so that takes some of the pressure/responsibility off of me...besides, all I do is stay home with Princess, so surely I could be doing more...So, hey, now's the time to start thinking about a Christmas play. I only stay home with Princess, so surely I have time to be in charge of that, right? So, there's a Craft Bazaar meeting this week. What are you making for that, Mandy? You only stay home with Princess, right? So, WAIT A MINUTE!! We don't have any clean underwear!! AHHHHH!!

I have a secret to share. I feel guilty. I feel guilty for not doing enough at church; I only stay home with Princess, right? I feel guilty for not doing enough with Princess at home; I'm only doing a few things at church, right? Then, there's family stuff!! I don't want to miss out on any of it!! I really feel like the driving force for all these "commitments" is my guilt for "only staying home with Princess." Like that's not important enough to really do, or something. I LOVE staying home with her. I love being available during the day (except between 1-3p.m. for Princess's naptime!! LOL). I love piddling around the house, and I love cooking dinner for my family. I love being a SAHM!! :) But, I feel like I'm not doing enough. I feel guilty for not doing stuff at church & with family because "all I am is a SAHM." So, I over-commit. Then, the laundry doesn't get done (see last 2 sentences of the previous paragraph!! LOL), things get piled up from our mad dashes between this place & that, and when things slow down again, I have an even BIGGER mess to clean up right before we start all over again with the craziness.

Guilt is powerful.

Okay, enough of that. I was just thinking about it. I was pondering over all these commitments I have, and had a eureka moment when I thought about my feelings of guilt & fear of being labeled lazy because I don't "do" enough. So, sorry if any of that was incoherant, but I didn't make you read it!! LOL :)

The Office & "Earl" have started back up again!! LOL They're hillarious!! I love NBC Thursday's again :) Oh, and Smallville started back tonight...and have you heard?!?! 7th Heaven is back again this season!! YAY!! Those are my 4 shows I DVR all the time, and watch later after Princess is asleep :)

Oh, I wanted to give a BIG THANK YOU to Bethany Praise Team for coming & sharing with us this past Saturday night at PraiseFest!! Ya'll were awesome!! We REALLY enjoyed having you guys!! Even though it was hotter'n Hades in the sanctuary!! Thank you for bearing with us!! :)

I'd better go. I still have to watch tonight's Office & Earl. I might be a little obsessed...

Love you guys :)

5 comments:

Kelley said...

WOW! Guilt is powerful because just this week my hubby and I were talking about that. I feel the same way. I just keep telling myself that God has given us the sufficient resources for me to be able to stay home. I did the same thing...over commit. And it was awful. I will pray for you about this because I know....and still have those guilty things come up. BUT....remember, you get to teach Princess, you get to teach her the way that she can learn, you love her and want the best for her and you're giving her mommy and me time....and that is priceless!

Lots of Love!

Sara said...

I'm so sorry you have a guilt problem. :) I don't have that big of a problem saying no when I know I'll be over-commiting myself. Hoping and praying you can back off of some things and get more done at home! :)

Love ya!

Andrew & Dawn said...

Yah Mandy - you came up for air! LOL Yes, moms can be super hard on themselves! Think of it this way - you have the PRIVILEGE of staying at home with Princess - and the responsibility of training her 'in the way that she should go'!! Enjoy your time with her and don't get overbusy - no matter how much guilt you have. Because (and I can attest to this!) - her years will pass very quickly! She'll be walking out the door before you know it! Treasure these days and enjoy them! Be a keeper of the home - and if there's time for more, great!! Missed ya!
Dawn

CereneOne said...

Missed ya girl. No need for guilt. That is not of God. He ordained for the mother to take care of the children. You have the privlage of doing just that. Don't wear yourself so thin that you have no time to study/breath/sing for joy!

Jodi said...

I'm adding my voice to the you are privileged crowd! Here's my take...it's a huge coupe on Satan's part that in our ultra-modern society women are made to feel guilty for actually having the oppurtunity to stay with their children all day....gotta give it up (read: sarcasm!)to those hardcore women libbers who have left professional women and stay at home women with this huge guilt complex for the respective roles in life...sure the women's lib movement was good in many ways too, but its obvious effects on family life are so clear...

you and every mother that reads this are in my prayers because being a mom is a gift that should be treated with the upmost respect however their work/not work journey is playing out....

sorry to ramble so long but what a hot button issue!! Love you!