Changing Normal

"I have value. I have worth. No matter how I feel, God’s word is true. He loves me. He values me. I am important."

Bonita Lillie, She Speaks Graduate, Proverbs 31 Ministry

I Peter 3:3-4, “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hear and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gently and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” (NIV)

So, this is a deep-thought moment…for now!! Hehehe…I read my Proverbs 31 devotion today, and, of course, it hit me right where I’m at today. I’ve been struggling this week with my self-image, if you will. Probably on a few levels because of what the Lord brought to mind today. First of all, I’ve been feeling inadequate. I’ve not finished college. Actually, I did really horrible the last few quarters at Sinclair, and have always felt like I’ve left something undone there. Now, I’ve shared with you all my dream of going back to school to become a certified teacher. Well, my “lack of schooling” has been making me feel inferior lately. I realize in my head that it’s the evil one trying to discourage me, especially this week, from being effective in VBS ministry, but it’s been bothering me nonetheless. But, did you read that first statement up there? No matter how I’m FEELING, I am worthy because I am God’s. That is such a hard concept for me because of all my feelings of inferiority. I don’t talk about it much, but this stems back from school, I think. Just that “never good enough no matter what I do” kind of thinking. When I didn’t do great on a test, that was like telling me I was below average. I didn’t get the message that I had it in me, and could try harder…I probably heard that message, but because of whatever, I didn’t REALLY hear it, ya know? So, anyways, just something to think about. To ponder with my heavenly Father. I love to hear from Him that it’s not all about me, but HIM IN ME that’s so important!! I don’t do anything by myself… It’s not just me…and I’m not just doing “stuff” just to be doing “stuff.” All for HIS glory, His kingdom, so that HIS message, through me, gets to as many more people as possible before He returns…

The second “level” (I don’t know if it ranks above or below the other one!! LOL). I don’t know if I’ve shared things with you about my perception of God changing…For some reason, I got the impression that every consequence the Lord dished out in the Old Testament (i.e. specifically the banishment from Eden) was done out of the wrath of God. While this may be true to an extent, I am learning that it was more out of His mercy for us that we were banished. Because, out of His unfathomable love for us, he didn’t want us to LIVE FOREVER with our sin. He had plans to send us a Savior. Well, out of this “wrath of God” mentality, I’ve been re-evaluating my view about His Word. Take that I Peter section above. If you had asked me, I would’ve told you before that I wasn’t sure if that meant I shouldn’t fix my hair and dress like the Amish!! LOL But I’ve seen that verse in a different light…Not as a “don’t do this” command, but a “That’s not where your true beauty lies.” Now, when Chelle & I were little, we went to all kinds of churches with Dad’s quartet, and inevitably someone would comment “Oh, what pretty girls!” Mom & Dad had us trained to say, “Girls, can you tell ----- what makes you pretty?” In unison we would say, “The way we act.” Well, this tells you how slow I am…I’m just getting that they were teaching us scripture!! LOL Not a specific scripture address, but a principle that the Lord wanted to instill in ALL of His children. So important that He put it in His book!! :)

Well, that’s as much as my brain can handle, but I needed to journal that so I didn’t forget it. I love writing in a prayer/devo journal (hand-written, just between me & the Lord), but there doesn’t seem to be much time for that. I’ve got to start making time…probably in the mornings before Abbey gets up? Sorry, “type-thinking” out loud…

So, tonight is the start of VBS…I’ve been struggling the past week with “adequateness” and the perception that other volunteers (not the other director, but the other volunteers for the week) just didn’t care about it, really, and that all of our work was silly or unimportant. SO, yesterday at church, I got a CLEAR word from the Lord, through His people, that He approved, and wasn’t that all that mattered, anyways? I can’t make others do or feel how I want them to feel. I can’t make them do anything. God’s in that business, and as my favorite SCC songs says, “God is God, and I am NOT!” I LOVE that!! And, some people better be glad that I’m NOT God!! LOL Makes me think of Bruce Almighty a little…BTW, has anyone seen Evan Almighty? It’s at our cheap theatre already, and I’d love to see it soon…um, not this week, though!! LOL Anyways, so, all of that to say, I was struggling with that, but the Lord affirmed me that that was only MY perception of the situation…not the reality…*side note, The Lord’s also teaching me that I shouldn’t always go with my perception of “stuff” because it’s always gonna be skewed by something!! Emotions, situation, body language, misunderstanding, the list could go on & on, so I’ll spare you!! LOL

Okay, better go…Talk to you all later…and more prayers for VBS & stuff?

Love you all!! :)